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Spiritual Practices to Enhance Resilience
Meditation, prayer, imagery, affirmation, journaling, inspirational reading, forgiveness, connecting with nature, gratitude, service to others are tools for transformation on your soul's journey. Here are a couple of examples to help:
Metta Meditation/Prayer
This is a Buddhist practice in which you repeat intentions of good will toward yourself, others and the world at large. It bridges meditation and chanting, and its power comes from the repetition which serves to focus the mind and intention on a central thought or theme, in effect shutting out distracting thoughts and giving your full mental energy to the intention at hand.
There are many ways to practice metta, which is sometimes also called a "loving kindness" meditation. One form is as follows:
May I be peaceful.
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be free from suffering.
May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be well.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings be free from suffering.
These words are repeated slowly, with pauses between phrases for contemplation and absorption of the intention. It is a common practice in this tradition to "do metta" as a formal spiritual practice daily, and there are even meditation retreats in which this constitutes the whole practice day in and day out for a week or more. The emphasis is not so much on sound vibration as on being absorbed in the repetition of the mental intention.
Left Nostril Breathing for Calming your Mind and Body
Using your thumb, close the right nostril and inhale deeply through the left nostril.
Continue this for three minutes. End the session by inhaling through both nostrils, hold for a count of 5-10 seconds, then exhale. Sit quietly for a few more moments.
Five Steps to Letting Go and Finding PEACE of Mind
Step 1 Pick an Event
Step 2 Explore Resistance
Step 3 Acknowledge Intention
Step 4 Change Thoughts
Step 5 Exercises for Letting Go
#1. Write down an event that you'd like to let go of. What happened? How did you feel then? How do you feel now when you think of the event? How would you like to feel?
#2. You already know the positive gains for letting go of your painful feelings. Now, begin to identify some of your concerns if you were to let go. Do you use your painful feelings as a way to hurt or control someone? Or, do you use it as an excuse for not moving forward in your life?
#3. If you are ready to let-go, then write down your intention on a 3x5 card. Look at the card everyday. If you begin to have resistance -- go back to step two.
#4. When you change your thoughts, you change your life.
Begin to monitor the internal dialogue that takes place in your mind. When your thoughts cause you pain -- take a look at the 12 irrational beliefs listed below. A famous healer said, "your suffering is always related to your last thought."
#6. An intellectual approach alone may not work. Use a strategy that engages both your body and your mind to work with your intention. Write in a journal, draw, paint, use imagery to help you reinforce your work.
There is no shame in asking for help.
Knowing when you need help
is a sign of maturity and courage.
Good Luck!
Twelve Common Irrational Beliefs
(Adapted from Albert Ellis, PhD.)
1. I must have love and approval from those significant to me – and I must avoid disapproval from any source.
2. To be worthwhile as a person I must succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes.
3. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished.
4. Things must be the way I want them to be, otherwise life will be intolerable.
5. My unhappiness is caused by things that are outside my control – so there is little I can do to feel any better.
6. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening – otherwise they might happen.
7. I must avoid life’s difficulties, unpleasantness, and responsibilities, because they are too much to bear.
8. Everyone needs to depend on someone who is stronger.
9. Events in my past are the cause of my problems – and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviors now.
10. I should become upset when other people have problems, and feel unhappy when they’re sad.
11. I shouldn’t have to feel discomfort and pain – I can’t stand them and must avoid them at all costs.
12. Every problem should have a perfect solution – and it’s intolerable when one can’t be found.
ARTICLES BY JUDITH
Letting Go of the Pain from the Past:
Preparing to Forgive
Judith L. Perlman, LCSW
This was published by Coping Magazine
a national magazine for individuals and families experiencing a diagnosis of cancer.
If you or a loved one is facing the challenge of cancer, you’ve probably been advised to prioritize your life to conserve as much of your energy as possible for the fight to survive.
But "prioritizing" doesn't just refer to the details of your outer life. Cancer patients and their families can give themselves an opportunity for a better quality of life -- and perhaps even a better medical outcome -- if they examine their inner lives as well.
Just about every recent self-help book on health has something to say about forgiveness. The reason is simple: there is a profound connection between forgiveness and healing.
As psychologist Abraham Maslow says, the ability to be in the present moment is a major component of wellness. Forgiveness helps you to let go of the pain from the past and to live in the present moment.
There are even direct health benefits. An abundance of research documents the harmful effects of anger and resentment on the body. Someone once said that “holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting your enemy to get sick."
How can we achieve the peace of mind that forgiveness offers? Researchers and writers on forgiveness generally agree that we must be willing to undertake five mental tasks:
(1) We must understand the true meaning of forgiveness. Our act of forgiveness doesn't mean that we condone or absolve the hurtful behavior -- or that we're forgetting about it. Forgiveness doesn't require us to reconcile with the offender or to get him or her to do something different.
Forgiveness does mean recognizing that we have a choice about our perceptions and our thoughts -- and that we are choosing peace of mind. Forgiveness means freeing ourselves from the past and choosing to live in the present moment...choosing empowerment over victim-hood...and choosing to connect to our spiritual, loving selves.
(2) We must be willing to let down our defenses enough to fully experience the intensity of our feelings. Of course, none of us like to feel vulnerable -- but we can’t let go of emotions that we haven’t first acknowledged.
(3) We must be willing to give up the need for vindication or revenge. It's natural to want retribution, and we usually don’t give up the need for revenge until we realize that it hasn’t worked -- and is not going to work.
Sometimes we hold on to hurt and anger in the hope that we will ultimately get the offender to admit wrong or to change. We must give up that hope if we are to achieve the peace of mind that comes with forgiveness.
(4) We must be willing to shift our view of the offender. We cannot forgive unless we develop empathy and compassion.
It's important to understand that people commit painful acts under the influence of their own personal pain. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said it best: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find, in each person’s life, sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” It's easier to forgive if we can ask ourselves, "What must have happened to the offender to cause this behavior?"
(5) Finally, we must change our story. We all construct a story that we tell about ourselves in order to give our lives meaning. And giving an experience structure and meaning makes its emotional effects more manageable.
But if we are truly committed to forgiveness, we must change our story. We can no longer see ourselves as a victim. We must create a new story to tell about ourselves – a story of empowerment!
Once you’re willing to undertake these five mental tasks, you’re ready to forgive. Although letting go of the pain from the past can be difficult, the rewards of forgiveness are powerful. Liberating yourself from the past will help to bring you closer to peace of mind and true inner healing.
ACTION BOX:
There are numerous techniques, such as journal writing and guided imagery, to help you do the actual work of forgiveness. At forgivenessandhealth.com you’ll find a Five-Step Forgiveness Worksheet that will guide you through each phase of the forgiveness process.
Preparing for Change
Lasting change is not something that occurs all at once; on the contrary: Abrupt change is generally short-lived. Real change can be difficult; the process is never smooth or predictable. And it can be especially challenging when there’s so much else to cope with in life.
Permanent change requires proper planning and occurs gradually and in stages. Here are the steps that can help you to be successful.
Step One: First Considerations
You’re just beginning to think about the possibility of making a change.
• Of the many changes you could make, figure out what you have control over, what you might influence, and what you have no control over.
• Look at the areas where you have control and ask whether change would be beneficial.
Step Two: Preparation
Think about what your life would look like if you made the change you’ve identified. What would you have to do? How would change affect your relationships and work or family life?
As you answer these questions...
• Identify your goal. Be realistic and specific.
• List the pros and cons of changing.
• Consider what resources you’ll need (finances, time, the support of friends and family, and so on).
• Identify factors in your environment that will help you achieve your goal – and those that will make success more difficult.
• Determine the best time to make a change. For example it might not
be helpful to start a diet on your birthday.
Step Three: Planning
Now you’re thinking about how you’ll actually achieve your goal.
• Set the date on which you’ll begin.
• Plan how you’ll implement your change – by purchasing exercise equipment, for example, or enlisting the support of your spouse to
watch the children.
• Plan for “baby steps” as well as overall results. You might decide to exercise for five minutes a day and work up to your overall goal.
• Plan for deviation. For example, if your decision to make a life style change interferes with the way you celebrate birthdays or holidays you’ll feel resentful, and you’ll be more likely to brea your resolution. It’s better to plan for a deviation then to set yourself up for failure. You’re still going to achieve your goal!
Step Four: Action
• Begin the countdown to the date you’ve set.
• Prepare your life space for the changes to come – go out and buy e exercise equipment, dietary supplements, or whatever you’ve decided \ you’ll need.
• Arrange for other resources – money, time, assistance from others.
• When the day comes, begin to implement your plan
Step Five: Evaluation
It’s easy to begin a new regimen with enthusiasm, but motivation can slip away – unless you evaluate every now and then.
That’s why it’s important to compare your progress with your original plan.
• Is the plan working?
• Are you able to continue to support it financially?
• Can you sustain the changes in your life space?
• Have there been any unexpected negative consequences?
There are fits and starts to the life-style changes that support your wellness. The goal is to live with the disruptions and be as faithful to your plan for so long that it ceases to be a change – and becomes part of you.
Making Peace with the Past:
Forgiveness and the Caregiver
Judith L. Perlman, MSW, LCSW
published in Chicago Caregiver Magazine
“Carol” is a 55-year-old married, part-time professional with adult children. Her mother, divorced and alone for 40 years, has depended heavily on Carol to manage her numerous health crises. Carol would like to say that she is willing to do whatever her elderly mother needs, but that is not the case. It doesn’t seem fair. Carol endured much emotional abuse from her during childhood and yet, through all of her mother’s many mental and physical crises – including suicide attempts, heart attacks, diabetes and various surgeries – she was expected to be the stronger one.
For decades, Carol had to manage the conflict between her mother’s chronic neediness and the lasting pain of wounds inflicted in childhood. Now, in her mother’s last years of life, she struggles to provide loving care to someone who did not give her a safe and nurturing home. Carol feels more resentment than compassion, yet at the same time she’s weighed down by tremendous guilt for feeling this way.
Carol entered psychotherapy as a way to work through her anger and resentment. During therapy, she was able to verbalize these feelings and to see that her struggle was understandable. More importantly, she was able to learn a process of forgiveness that helps her to manage her emotions, maintain her health, and feel at peace with her responsibilities.
People who care for others with whom they have had difficult and painful relationships may find it very hard, if not impossible, to act with kindness and generosity toward a family member who has previously hurt them. Caregiving under these conditions can be tainted with anger and bitterness, which can come out as harsh speech, rough behavior, or even neglect. A caregiver may even have morbid or destructive thoughts, which may be accompanied by feelings of guilt. If the anger becomes rage, and the rage leads to revenge, the consequences can become dangerous.
According to recent studies, elder abuse is common in the United States and is often associated with acute and chronic health problems. Although some of the abuse occurs in nursing homes and other health facilities, all too often the abuser is a close family member who is also responsible for the patient’s care. Abuse can be either verbal or non-verbal and can include such behaviors as name-calling, cursing, humiliating, insulting, ridiculing or blaming. An angry caregiver can treat an elder like an infant. In the more extreme cases, an unforgiving caregiver can push, shove, hit or attempt to intimidate an elder.
I remember when my own grandfather became legally blind. My grandmother had always resented her submissive role in the marriage. When her husband became disabled, she felt a new power. He was dependent on her for the first time. He needed her to guide him when he walked. I recalled times when her guidance became harsh, causing him to stumble. And she would belittle him publicly for not knowing where he was going.
My grandmother’s anger during the marriage was never discussed or resolved. The resentment had been building over the years and was not expressed until the power in the relationship shifted. This is not uncommon.
People often mistakenly think that anger goes away, simply because time has passed. Denying our anger and hanging onto grudges is very human. And it’s not always obvious. Anger that is buried can take many forms. It may be disguised as depleted energy, impatience, pessimism about yourself and the future, and a preoccupation with what happened.
But burying the anger doesn’t work. Anger rarely stays buried, and long- suppressed emotions can flare up again when families are faced with the daunting task of managing chronic health problems and lifestyle changes.
These unresolved feelings of anger and resentment can also be harmful to the caregiver’s health. Studies show that people who are less forgiving have elevated levels of adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol. And staying angry reduces levels of serotonin, the positive, mood-boosting brain chemical. Guilt, anger and resentment that is internalized over a long period of time can cause stress-related symptoms in the caregiver – higher blood pressure, insomnia, reduced immune function, susceptibility to illness and accidents, and others. If these are not managed long-term, they can lead to chronic health problems and a lower quality of life for the caregiver.
So if burying anger doesn’t work, why don’t people forgive? According to a Gallop Poll, most Americans think it’s important to forgive, but in reality about only half of us actually try to do so. All too often, people simply do not recognize the value of forgiveness, or don’t forgive because they don’t know how.
“Rachel,” widowed and battling breast cancer, is now caring for her elderly mother, who has dementia. As a child, she had been told that her birth was unwanted. Throughout her adult life, she struggled with the after-effects of her mother’s disengaged parenting. Her resentment at being in the position of caregiver eventually brought her into psychotherapy, where she is learning to forgive her mother for the pain of the past.
Until she could forgive her mother for the past hurts, Rachel struggled with resentment and guilt. She overcompensated for her negative emotions by becoming compulsively involved in her mother’s care. She was unrealistic about her own ability to care for her mother and refused to let others help her. Yet she was desperate to find a way to let go of her pain and find peace with her mother and her life. And she has. She is no longer chained to her bitterness and is now able to accept help with her mother’s care.
We need to forgive not only those who hurt us – but also ourselves.
“Pat” was burdened with powerful negative emotions after the death of her husband. His long-term battle with cancer triggered feelings of resentment for the many ways in which she struggled through these dark months. She privately revealed that during the time leading up to his death, she was harsh toward her husband both behaviorally and verbally. She felt so guilty about the way she had acted that she couldn’t sleep. Her unresolved feelings were spilling over to her work, making it difficult to concentrate and undermining her effectiveness. She needed to forgive her husband for being sick and needy – and herself for being less compassionate than she would have liked. She made peace with her husband and herself one day when she visited his gravesite and poured her heart out.
Carol, Rachel, and Pat have learned to forgive, as have countless others who suffered far worse. Research on forgiveness shows that people can learn to forgive even the most heinous offenses – even abuse, incest, betrayal, and murder.
Forgiveness in these cases is quite different from our everyday pardoning of small, honest mistakes and misunderstandings. It’s also different from the more hurtful acts for which the offender takes responsibility and apologizes, thus making forgiveness much easier. Yet forgiveness in this deeper sense is not the same as denying, forgetting, pardoning, condoning or excusing what happened.
This deeper, intra-personal forgiveness is, in essence, a choice: to acknowledge the painful feelings and to gain a better understanding of ourselves and the offender – then to let go of the harmful emotions, thoughts and behaviors. It is a gift that caretakers can give themselves. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It does not erase what happened – but it does recognize that we can use the past to grow.
Sometimes reconciliation is possible. Many people do resolve discord and grievances with marital partners, parents, adult children, and siblings with whom they are in a caregiving relationship.
I’ve been privileged to work with couples and families at the end of life. I have seen miraculous psychological healing happen through the forgiveness of old grievances. Some can do this on their own; others need the guidance of an objective professional to facilitate the process and keep it safe for all concerned. Even if you are homebound with an extremely ill partner or relative, the palliative care services associated with a hospice can provide a pastoral counselor or trained social worker who can help a family restore harmony.
It is, of course, especially difficult to forgive an individual who shows no remorse or is no longer living, as with Carol, Rachel, and Pat. For them, forgiveness was an intrapersonal process -- something they needed to do within themselves to unlock the chains that bound them.
Carol’s mother didn’t have the psychological health to participate in therapy. Rachel’s mother was cognitively impaired. Pat’s husband was dead. All three caregivers were able to forgive without the participation of the other person.
The key to intrapersonal forgiveness is the recognition that if you have to wait for the offender to take responsibility for his/her behavior before you find peace within yourself, you continue to give the offender control over your life. Lewis B. Smedes, author of The Art of Forgiving and other books on forgiveness, says “forgiving happens inside the person who does it.”
You can also think of forgiveness as “giving up the possibility of a better past.” Sometimes we hold on to hurt and anger in the hope that we will ultimately get the offender to admit wrong or to change. But forgiveness begins with the recognition that the way you’ve handled the grievance is not working and that you are ready to put aside any claim to revenge or vindication.
This is the most important first step that caregivers can take: to recognize that forgiveness happens inside them…that it is in their own best interests…and that it is a source of peace and balance in their lives.
The intrapersonal forgiveness process involves five steps.
Step 1: First, realize that forgiveness can be either an altruistic act or a gift to yourself. Then, if you are ready, make the choice to forgive.
Step 2: Fully acknowledge the painful emotions caused by the grievance. Forget about “forgive and forget.” Trying to forget is a form of denial that doesn’t work. A crucial step in healing is actually allowing yourself to feel your pain. Think about how you were hurt and how you feel right now. In order to forgive, you have to remember. Confront your resentment, pain and anger. This isn’t easy – but you can’t let go of emotions that you haven’t first fully owned.
Step 3: Begin to uncover your own resistance to the forgiveness process. You may believe that if you forgive the offender, it is a sign of weakness, and you will experience a loss of control or power. Or you may not be ready to give up your desire for vindication. You may want to retaliate and cause the person who hurt you to suffer as much as you.
But remember: unless you learn to let go of the pain from the past, you continue to give the offender the power to control you – and your long term health.
Step 4: Learn to change your perception of the offender through developing empathy and compassion. If you can see that the offender didn’t intend to hurt you personally – but was acting out of his/her own pain and fear -- then forgiveness becomes easier. Try to understand the offender in the context of the whole of his or her life. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said it best: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
Empathy is essential for forgiveness. It means imagining life from the perspective of the offender. Try to imagine walking in the offender’s shoes. What was his or her life like growing up? What was happening at the time of the offense?
Remember, when people act badly, their behavior is always coming from a place of internal pain. A person who has an open and loving heart does not hurt others. And as you begin to empathize, your own heart will soften, and it will be easier to develop the compassion that forgiveness requires.
Step 5: Learn and practice “letting go” strategies. The decision alone is not enough. Forgiveness must be learned via an ongoing process. After a year-long training program in forgiveness, a client of my colleague wrote that “forgiveness is a feeling that can only be learned through practice.”
In-depth forgiveness is not an epiphany or a one-time event. It takes practice and patience. But the rewards are powerful.
Caregivers in conflict cannot afford to let anger, bitterness and guilt take over their lives. By forgiving the offender, they can free themselves from the pain of emotional residue from the past – and from resentment about their current responsibilities. By forgiving themselves, they can develop realistic expectations and learn to discharge their caregiving obligations with generosity and peace of mind.
____________________
SIDEBAR: Practical Steps to Forgiving
Forgiveness can be learned. And the process is the same, no matter how severe the offense. Of course, the worse the offense, the harder one must work to achieve forgiveness.
Forgiveness training first involves having a clear understanding of forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is not condoning, pardoning or excusing the offender. It is acknowledging that although you may not be responsible for what happened, you are fully responsible for your long-term attitude.
But forgiveness research has shown that just having an intellectual understanding of forgiveness is not enough. Practices such as journal writing and visualization help to calm and reorient the mind, body and emotions.
1. Keep a Forgiveness Journal. Stress reduction research has found that writing about important personal experiences in an emotional way for as little as 15 minutes over the course of three days can improve mental and physical health.
Here are some writing techniques that will help you begin the process of forgiveness by developing self-awareness and sorting through your emotions.
A. UNDERSTAND FORGIVENESS AND DECIDE TO FORGIVE: Allow yourself to be honest: you may not be ready to forgive. You may need more information about forgiveness to determine if you are ready to begin the process. However, if you have made the choice, write down your willingness to have forgiveness as a goal. Just making the decision that “I need to stop being furious with _____” is a powerful beginning.
B. ACKNOWLEDGE PAINFUL EMOTIONS: To really let go of your grievance, you need to release not only the memory of what happened, but also the feelings that you had at the time. If you just try to let go of the memory without getting in touch with the feelings, your forgiveness will only be intellectual. You can’t achieve peace of mind without first admitting to, then letting go of the actual feelings.
For the next entry in your Forgiveness Journal (after you’ve written out your intent to forgive), remember one specific grievance and describe what happened. What did the offender do? If you are forgiving yourself, what did you do? How did you feel at the time it happened? Be brutally honest with yourself. Go beneath the surface. If you just remember feeling anger, can you identify that there was hurt and sadness beneath the anger? How about shame and feelings of worthlessness? If you’re forgiving yourself, did you feel jealous or inferior at the time?
How has the grievance affected your life? How does the grievance affect you today?
Now list some of the ways you have attempted to remedy the problem. Did you express your feelings to the offender?
If you are forgiving yourself, how have you attempted to take responsibility for your action and make amends? You can’t begin to forgive yourself if you’ve never attempted to make amends.
C. UNCOVER YOUR RESISTANCE: In order to forgive, you must fully evaluate what you stand to lose if you let go of your grievance. When people come into therapy, I generally tell them that there is risk involved in developing their self-awareness. The more self-aware we are, the more we know we must change. Change can often be frightening – but it leads to growth.
For your next Journal entries, describe in writing what life will be like without constantly carrying the grievance in your heart.
Here are some thought-starters: Do you use anger as a way to make you feel safe? Do you use guilt or anger to control or manipulate others? Do you use the grievance as a way to avoid communication? Do you use silence as a weapon? Do you hold onto the pain from the past as an excuse for not taking charge of your life today?
D. CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION: Empathy involves seeing things from another person’s point of view, feeling the person’s feelings and identifying with the pressures that made the person hurt you.
In your next journal entries, try to see the grievance objectively. Is there anything in the other person’s background that could explain the offensive behavior? What was his/her life like growing up? Write down what you think may have been happening at the time of the offense. What was the offender’s self-image at the time? How would your offender explain the harmful acts? Try to figure out what the motivation might have been. Think about these questions, and write down your responses.
If you’re forgiving yourself, use your journal to record your development of self-compassion.
We learn self-compassion by remembering that when we behave badly, it is because of deep feelings of pain. We are forgiving ourselves for doing wrong—not being wrong.
So: Was the offense an accident? Were you negligent or did you offend on purpose? Is there anything in your background that would explain your hurtful, inconsiderate or otherwise poor behavior? What feelings and pressures made you behave badly? Write down your responses to these questions. Keep a written record of your progress in cultivating compassionate thoughts and behavior.
E. VENT YOUR EMOTIONS: Write in your Journal (but don’t send) a letter in which you express your feelings to the person you are forgiving or asking forgiveness from.
F. COMPOSE A NEW STORY: Write a new narrative about yourself where you go from being a victim – to a hero!
Begin by trying to view the situation differently. See yourself as having done the best you could under difficult circumstances (remember: you didn’t know then what you know now). Perhaps you had no power to change the situation. Or maybe you were bound by other obligations. What meaning, other than the offense to you, can you find in what happened?
The story always ends with you as victor: you have fought your way to a new understanding of your life and the other person, and through forgiveness, you have mastered your emotions, cleansed yourself of pain, and determined that it is you who are in control from now on!
2. PRACTICE LETTING GO: As you continue to record your thoughts in your Forgiveness Journal, try the following exercises to help you release the pain from the past and find inner peace.
Visualization: Sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Take a few deep, cleansing breaths. Relax your body, starting with your feet and moving up to your head. Imagine that you are breathing in and out through the heart and allow the spaciousness of your heart to expand. Visualize the person you have decided to forgive, and bring the image of the offender into your heart. Imagine that an energy cord connects you both. Wish the person well and then affirm, “I am releasing the pain from the past.” And then cut the cord.
Affirmation: Every day, affirm in writing your decision to forgive (e.g., “I am letting go of the past and I forgive __________”).
Self-Talk: Monitor the silent conversations that go on in your head. Are you still replaying the grudge in your mind? Do you hear yourself having angry, resentful thoughts about the offender? Do you still hear yourself blaming? You can challenge this self-talk by asking yourself, “Would I rather be right or would I rather have peace of mind?”
Meditation/Prayer: Asking God or a Higher Power for help can support the forgiveness process.
Stress Busters: When you find anger and resentment building focus on your breath. Notice the physical sensation of breathing in and out, and mentally recite words such as peace or love with each breath. Or you can take a walk, listen to soothing music, remember pleasant memories, and enjoy the beauty of nature.
Cultivate Gratitude: Remember that no matter what happened in the past, you still have much to be thankful for.
Devote a section of your Forgiveness Journal to gratitude. Before you go to bed each night, list five things that you are grateful for. You may even be grateful for learning to forgive. Remember, the more you learn to forgive others, the easier it becomes to forgive yourself!
Inspirational Reading:
The Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How, by Lewis Smedes (Ballantine Books).
The Self-Forgiveness Handbook: A Practical Empowering Guide, by Thom Rutledge (New Harbinger Publications).
Forgive for Good, by Fred Luskin, PhD.
Forgiveness: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get On With Your Life, by Dr. Sidney and Suzanne Simon (Warner Books)